Just A Live-Oak Growing

“I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,

All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches,

Without any companion it grew there uttering joyous leaves of

            dark green,

It’s incredible how I don’t know but a handful of people and only for a week, yet I am content and have begun a life here in France. When I found this passage in Leaves of Grass the first thing that came into my mind was “oh my gosh, this is me and probably many other exchange students!” and my second thought was that the story of The Giving Tree could fit right along side.

And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself,

But I wonder’d how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone

            there without its friend near, for I knew I could not,

In a way I am a stubborn person. It’s been difficult to accept help or gifts from my host family because I became so independent in the United States. I have also been impatient with myself. For some reason I have decided that five days is sufficient for me to be speaking fluently and for my energy to replenish. Don’t worry, I didn’t actually tell myself, “Maggie, buck up, it’s been five days and you still can’t remember how to say ‘it rained’ correctly?” but my subconscious is armed with a megaphone, I swear.

                 

Although it says, “For I knew I could not,” I know that I can so I am taking a different angle (that’s what I love about poetry). There are many people who travel abroad and have difficulties because it’s far away, unfamiliar, and all that, but studying abroad or with a friend is way different. Having just one acquaintance or someone who speaks the same language makes all the difference and in my case, as well as all of the other current outbounds we have neither. Of course I had and still do not have any idea what it’s like to be without friends who know my past for an extended period of time. So, in a way, it’s true to say that I know that I can’t be without my familiar people because I have not experienced it. However, I can also say that it is possible because I am living it right now. WHEW! Sorry if that was a bit much and if your brain went dormant for a little bit, I don’t blame you – remember, I’m only impatient with myself J.

And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it,

            And twined around it a little moss,

And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room,

It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,

(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,)

Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly

            love;

Mental image AMAZINGNESS! Good ol’ Walty always reading my mind. I am going to even further limit my contact through Facebook because it’s way too easy to get comfortable talking to friends back home with this crazy technology we have. I think that it’s okay that I was talking to people before school, but in order to make these two worlds I’m living in between a little more distinct, I have decided to focus on these new friendships so that I can build ones that last.

Human love – what an amazing thing. This extremely loving family has taken me into their home, given me food, shelter, water, kindness, and now a cellphone. They didn’t know me very well before I came and still they had a bed prepared and a place for me to stay. Thus far in my exchange I have loved discovering how alike everyone is. Yes we all have cultural differences, but however high we build our walls, bridges will still traverse because we are all people (shout out to the Norway group <3).

I finally started the process of realizing that this entire year is all up to me – really, I still don’t know what I was thinking when I didn’t know that shampoo came in French, the TV dubs English, and that it’s pretty frustrating when you have an explosion of words in your head and all that comes out is <<oui>> but I think that muscle memory has a part in this. I could have repeated that to myself many times before actually being here but as I change and experience life, the realizations will become a part of my life through what I do and who I become. The heart is a muscle, and, as many claim, is the dwelling place of the soul. To me the soul is not only in your heart, but also in your fingertips, eyelashes, voice, actions, tears, and laughter… It’s everything that we are. It’s incredible to think that I have the choice to transport all that I am across the ocean and still be me. I made a decision last night to be true to myself from the beginning and to make things happen because I have this one life and there’s no way I’m going to waste it. I am going to be true to my everything, because really, why not?

For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana

            solitary in a wide flat space,

Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend a lover near,

I know very well I could not.”

-        Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Next time I’ll fill you in about my sleepover and hopefully a good first day of school!

Bisous,

Maggie 

P.S. If you want a sneak-peek as to what it was like for me at the sleepover once my brain numbed - minus smoking and wine, check this out! 

(credit to Mallory!)